I’ve been ‘on the road’ for pretty much two weeks now so I thought I was long overdue an update, if not for those following the blog then for my own sanity, and to put into words how I’m feeling at the moment.
I am really quite proud of myself tonight, as I’ve stepped so far out of my comfort zone today that I feel I deserve some sort of medal, or even a friendly pat on the back might be nice! Today, I navigated Brisbane City – first by boat, then by foot and finally by Uber (to get home, because I got lost). This might not seem like a big deal to the average person, but for those who know me, you’ll know just how much energy that something like this takes.
I decided to stop in Brisbane for the night en route to the Gold Coast, as I’m going to spend the next 5 or 6 days there with friends. I’ve never really spent much time in the City here, I tend to avoid those at all costs normally – but for some reason, I felt the urge to explore. So I booked a shared airbnb for the night and off I went! (How good is Airbnb by the way!? – So handy, I’ve used it loads of times now and just love the convenience of it).
When I arrived at the airbnb, the host Leon gave me some ideas of things to do whilst I’m here, and off I went to catch the city ferry from the Teneriffe Terminal just up the road. You can take the ferry all the way up the Brisbane River into the City, so I thought this would be a great way to see everything from the water. 40 minutes later we arrived into the City, where I got off.
Won’t lie, felt sick with nerves. As I often do when surrounded by other people, I look around at everyone seemingly going about their day with not a single anxious thought in the world, and wonder what it must be like to not feel as though the world is closing in round about you ALL the time, for absolutely NO reason! Haha. I don’t feel jealous as such, I can’t remember what it feels like to not have anxiety, but I just wonder. What would it be like to walk out the door into the unknown and not feel anxious about absolutely everything!?
Anyway, not dwelling on that!
I enjoyed my wee sail down the river and wandered around the City for a couple of hours, looking at some shops and people watching. People watching is something I REALLY enjoy…. who doesn’t!? There are so many different cultures in the cities in Australia I find, and with the Christmas Parade on, the atmosphere was, I must admit, pretty awesome!
So that was today. I am retreating for an early night tonight as I haven’t been sleeping very well since I got here so I’m hoping for a decent one tonight!
I think it is starting to dawn on me the immensity of the decision I made to sell all my stuff and leave home. I’ve gone through various emotions over the past few days, everything from WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE, to THIS IS AWESOME! I’m getting better at sitting with the discomfort now instead of panicking, which I would normally have done. This is huge for me. I’m also getting better at putting myself first, saying no when I need to and looking after myself in a different way. It’s a strange feeling, being in a foreign country and not knowing exactly when you’ll be ‘home’. It’s not unsettling, but I am finding it a little difficult to get my head around. I have decided that for now, I take one day at a time, don’t rush anything, look after my mental and physical health as much as I can, and just see what happens.
I’m actually really proud of myself.
I’m heading to the Gold Coast tomorrow (Helensvale) to see friends there, and then down to Surfer’s Paradise on Thursday to meet up with my friends Carmen, Jeff and their families for two nights on the Coast before we head back up to Mooloolah Valley for Christmas. Christmas…. I keep forgetting that it’s Christmas. I’m looking forward to spending the day with my adoptive family up on the Sunshine Coast, but I am also really, really going to miss my family and our traditions too.
Sit with the discomfort, enjoy each moment as it comes, and relax when I need to. That’s my plan for now. Oh, and try not to die of heat stroke haha!
Thanks for reading, I hope you will enjoy reading my wee blogs as I go along this journey of nomadism!
Rachael 🙂 x